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Thank you, anyway…

To whom it may concern…

  • Oil Contract – Thank you for calling me a ‘reliable’ person (I’m flattered – and I hardly know you!), but despite your role in the Petroleum Ministry, I am not in a position to help you obtain your funds through my bank account. I’m not interested. Good luck with your oil contract.
  • ‘Enhancing’ Pills – No, I don’t want your sex-enhancing pills. Why would I buy my sex pills from a stranger on the internet, let alone medications from someone who can’t even spell product names properly… What’s VIrAGRA and VAfLIUM? A pen1$?!
  • Attention Needed – I guess my ATTENTION IS URGENTLY NEEDED since, today alone, you e-mailed me 20 times.
  • Husband’s Money – Ma’am, I’m sorry to hear about your poor health and uncooperative son. But you should really find someone locally to help get your late husband’s money back. Thanks for contacting me. I admit, $3.5 million dollars is a lot of money.
  • PayPal – Whoosh! Thanks for letting me know someone’s been tampering with my account. As you requested, for my security I logged in and re-entered my credit card number and personal information!
  • Lottery Winner – How lucky can a guy be?! I’ve won the lottery over eight times this week! All with different winning claim numbers.
  • Stock Tips – Thank you for the tips. But, even though the stock “is going to explode” with my lottery money (see above), I won’t need to invest in your “next IBM.”
  • Finally…I’ve got plenty of printer ink (and don’t to refill my cartridges anyway)… I don’t need another watch… And I don’t think you can call it OEM software if it wasn’t installed on my computer.
    No Twitter Messages.